As the mother of a VERY chatty girl, I thought I had fine-tuned the art of Mom-Pilot, with none being the wiser. Don’t get me wrong, I love Mavis with all my heart, but that girl wakes up going 100 MPH, and keeps it up until she finally just stops for two seconds and goes to sleep at night. Sometimes it’s like a cross between Buddy the Elf post syrup spaghetti and soda breakfast, and a PG version of Brad Pitt in 12 Monkeys. My tired Mom Brain just needs a second to inhale… It is all of these factors that bring me to the fine craft of which I speak, Mom-Pilot, and it goes a little something like this…….
Mavis: Mom, when I’m 16, I’ll probably buy Keegan (Keegan Allen of PLL) a Christmas present.
Mavis: Mom, do you think I can wear high heels when I’m 16?
Mavis: When I go to college, can we do my room in zebra print?
Me: Sure, if you still like that then.
(It’s at this point in the conversation that I realize no major life mysteries are being questioned, and I can slip into a little treat, a comfy zone called Mom Multi-tasking, throw my Answer-Hole on autopilot, and start calculating the grocery list…. DON’T JUDGE. You’ve all done it!)
Mavis: Blahbity blah?
Me: Hmm. Maybe.
Mavis: Blahbitty blahbitty blah!
(It is most important, when Mom-pilot is engaged, to listen to inflection, and have an arsenal of non-committing, generic responses, so that, in the event of a hair brained idea being introduced, you don’t find yourself agreeing to host a slumber party of 20 girls on a school night, or to adopting a large litter of kittens the little neighbor girl’s cat had last month)
The flight of conversation should be smooth and uneventful, the end result being, perhaps, a mental list of your route through the grocery store later in the day, or whatever it is your thoughts prefer to trail off to.
But BEWARE!!! There are some instances that require you to abort your mental mission, your cerebral hiatus. A clever, perceptive child might notice the faraway look in your eye, or that your answers have become too broad, or out of context.
A clever child might then say…..
Mavis: “Mom, how would it be if I shaved your eyebrows off in the night?”
Me “……… W…T…..F*#@ !!!!!”
(Note to self. Sleep with one eyebrow raised)
That concluded my flight on Daydream Airlines. Nice job, Mavis, for beating your old mom at her own game, and giving me quite the chuckle 🙂