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My Husband Deserves A Trophy

A Trip Down Memory Lane

Christmas 2009

The Journey Family expedition to get t20141214_205606he Christmas tree this year was not the “That’s what memories are made of!” affair that it has been in years past.

Allow me to back up a bit. For some reason, the Christmas Spirit this year eludes me. I have not decorated at all. No cheery wreath on the door, no twinkling lights, no sugar cookie scented candles. Nada. But alas, the day is rapidly approaching, and Mavis keeps reminding us “We need a tree! We NEED a tree!!!”

This brings us to today, the last day we have time to obtain the classic, very aromatic symbol ofChristmas and jolly St. Nick. Tony woke this morning with a horrible cold. After pointing out that this is really our last chance to get a tree, Tony suggested we just buy a small tree from a lot. Whaaaaaa??? Small tree?? No No No! I may not totally be in the spirit, but I DON’T DO SMALL TREES Mister!!! If we are putting one up, IT WILL BE REGAL! And what do you mean, “lot”? Do you want Mavis to remember driving to a parking lot to get a tree? No no no, we must go to a tree farm, and select just the right one! At this point, my spirit has kicked in a bit more. Reluctantly, Tony agreed, and it’s off to the tree farm. Now, normally we would travel to this quaint little tree farm outside Nerdberg, which actually looks like something plucked from a North Pole hillside. There’s a big red barn, where they serve hot chocolate and hot apple cider, and sell handmade hats and scarves. There is also a staff of eager-to-help teenage boys. Armed with CHAINSAWS. But on this day, we did not feel like making the drive all the way out there, so we picked a place about 5 miles outside of town. Upon our arrival, a nice woman pointed out the table of handsaws. HANDSAWS, PEOPLE! It is at this point I start to understand the cognitive differences between men and women, and also learned another reason why Tony is my champion. I realized he is going to have to cut this mother down. In his Day Quil induced stupor, he presses on. We traipse around, looking at firs, grands, and nobles, looking for “The One”. Mavis wants a little tree. Little? No, it must be big! I set my sights on a beautiful 10 foot fir. Reality sets in. Tony, sicker than hell, got on the ground and went to town. The trunk was pretty big, seeing as how I require a LARGE and REGAL tree, so it took a while to bring the thing dow
n. Once down, the lack of help at this place becomes clear to me, as I realize Tony and I are carrying this thing back to the car. OMG! Good thing we found one as FAR as possible away from the car. Tony led, I followed, which was, lucky for me, quite the adventure as I could not see the stumps until I was fumbling over them. What kind of tree farm is this? Couldn’t they plant these things in ROWS???

When we get to the car, I relent, and jokingly note that I see the value in his suggestion of buying a tree from a lot. I’m not sure that he heard me though, as he was trying to direct my short self as to how to help him heft this thing onto the tall roof of our Explorer. My oh my, this is FUN people!!!

Tony got this all taken care of, and tied it down. We got in the car, pulled out onto the highway, and started for home. But no! Our story does not end, my friends! The tree shifts a bit. Just a bit, nothing alarming, and probably totally fine. But with a 5 mile drive home, at 55mph, we started thinking how cheap the “rope” they gave us to tie this thing down was. I’m sure it was fine. But the calamity of a ten foot grand fir flying off our roof into the path of a car was not something that seemed attractive at the time. Call us crazy. Tony opened thesunroof and grabbed the base of a big branch, and held on until his hand was numb from the cold. My turn!! We did this the whole way home, Mavis freezing, hair swirling around her face in the back seat. I looked at Tony, he looked at me, and we both just busted up. This most definitely was not a warm and fuzzy memory maker, but the funniest, biggest pain in the ass Christmas tree story we will probably ever have.

The tree is still out in the driveway. We didn’t want to see it anymore on this day. We will decorate it tomorrow night. And that thing better look DAMN REGAL!!!!Red Gold and Green, just like Karma Chameleon 🙂


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